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Dahil makulit ka
Kilala kita. Oo, ikaw 'yun: Nagkasalubong na tayo minsan, sa LRT, sa Gotohan, sa kanto ng Aurora at Katipunan. Nagkatinginan tayo. Hindi mo ako kinausap, pero alam ko, nakilala mo rin ako. Kaya ka narito, di ba? Para sabihing, Oo, oo, ikaw nga 'yun. Naaalala kita.
na, mula noong 24 Enero, 2006, ang nakitambay dito
secret ang tatak ng deodorant ko
Monday, June 11, 2007
1. If I've heard of it, then you probably have, too: Oprah's hawking some self-help method based on a book called "The Secret." Egay said something about this in passing. So did a few other friends. It could be that I'm writing a paper on Secrecy and ineffabile and the post-colonial condition. It could be this small chunk of scalding but rather intelligent commentary:
"'Secret'-style belief is a perfect product. Like Coca-Cola, it goes down easy and makes the consumer thirsty for more.... This modern idea of faith isn't arrived at the old-fashioned way, by asking questions, but by getting answers. Instead of inquiry we have born-again epiphanies and cheesy self-help books -- we have excuses for not engaging in inquiry at all. Let other people schlep down the road to Damascus; we'll have Amazon send Damascus to us.
"That 'Secret'-style faith, whether it's in God, or in one's own preordained destiny to be an "American Idol," which takes all of a moment to achieve, is perhaps its most important selling point. Here's "The Secret" on arriving at faith: "Ask once, believe you have received, and all you have to do to receive is feel good." The kind of faith that couldn't be reached by shortcut, the confidence of the great doubters and worriers, of Moses and Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ, has been replaced by the insta-certainty and inflated 'self-esteem' of 'The Secret's' believers.
...
"Believers may be separated into tribes according to what they believe, but they do it in pretty much the same way, relying on a "Secret"-style conception of "intuition" --- which seems to amount to the sneaking suspicion that they're always right -- to arrive at their tenets. Instead of the world as it is, constantly changing and full of contradiction, they see a fixed and fantastical place, where good things come to those who believe, whether it's belief in a diet, a God, or a Habit of Successful People. These believers may believe in the healing power of homeopathy, or Scripture or organizational skills -- in intelligent design, astrology or privatization. They all trust that their devotion will be rewarded with money and boyfriends and job promotions, with hockey championships and apartments. And most of all they believe -- they really, really believe -- in themselves.
...
"It would be stupidly dangerous to dismiss Oprah and 'The Secret' as silly, or ultimately meaningless. They're reaching more people than Harry Potter, for God-force's sake. That's why what Oprah does matters, and stinks. If you reach more people than Bill O'Reilly, if you have better name recognition than Nelson Mandela, if the books you endorse sell more than Stephen King's, you should take some responsibility for your effect on the culture. The most powerful woman in the world is taking advantage of people who are desperate for meaning, by passionately championing a product that mocks the very idea of a meaningful life."
I can't help but be intrigued. Naming something "The Secret," playing on everyone's innate need to belong, to be in on something, a joke, maybe, or a multi-faceted way to get people to spend. The whole infrastructure of consumerism latched unto this idea of having what others have, knowing what everyone else knows. Can't help but think of Sago's new album-- don't know if it's out yet-- "Tangina Mo Ang Daming Nagugutom sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Pa Rin?"
And Dr. Phil. Can't help but think of Oprah and Dr. Phil. Anyway, the rest of the article here.
2.
Yes, I'm writing a paper on Secrecy. I'm nowhere near the final sentence, but the outline's done-- actually it's been in my head since I first read (and reported on) Vicente Rafael's "Freedom=Death: Oaths, Conjurings and the Power of Secrecy." And yes, it's taken me ages, is taking me ages, to get this motherfucker done.
I texted Kumander the other day; told her that maybe one of the reasons why I can't seem to get down to actually writing it is that I keep on thinking in English-- most of my sources are in English-- when I have to write the paper in Filipino. My notebook's filled with touchy-feely passages like this:
Bhabha talks of how, in the physical encounter between colonizer and colonized, the latter may for instance refuse to meet his oppressor's gaze and in so doing reject "the narcissistic demand that [he] should be addressed directly, that the other should authorize the self, recognize its priority, fulfill it's outlines."
Perhaps there need not be a physical encounter for the colonized to deny the colonizer's "narcissistic demands." When speaking in their own secret language, beyond the ineffable bond of solidarity that the colonized shares with his fellows, a second phenomenon, no less startling, occurs: The colonizer is brushed aside, denied authority, left in the peripheries of his own making. Not only is he not spoken directly to: he has lost even the ability to eavesdrop on the natives' conversations.
3.
Los Chupacabras will be on air, July 1, NU 107. Not sure what time, but I am sure we won't be playing any of our songs. Lourd and Gang invited us as, I don't know, panelists? guest speakers? on RockEd Radio. Something about gentlemen and ladies, as per the line from Animal: "Di ako gentleman, di ka rin lady. Kung gusto mong subukan, halika rito baby!" which they heard last Monday at the gig. Do tune in.
kung alam mo ang email address ni jana esteban, bs es '01 sa ateneo, mangyaring pakiiwan iyon sa comments box ng entry na ito
Saturday, June 09, 2007
1.
From: HaZeL Date: Friday, 8 June, 2007 10:29 AM Subject: Rollan, Disc Buddies, and that guy named Mikael From: Jana Esteban Message:
Kael, may message sayo si Jana from the e-group.
-Quote-
Ahoy Rollan! I'd love to go to Sagada this weekend, but sched's pretty tight. Am out-bound na rin starting June 15. So, soaking up the City life while I can...I'll be probinsyana until October ^_^
But wait!
I also play disc with sina Pru and Aener...si KQ nakilala ko kay Karen (Hi KQ!) Now ko lang nalaman na may laro pala dyan sa field twing Sabado. Sige, subukan kong dumaan sa mga susunod na Sabader. Kitakits tayo dun.
Mikael, are you still around this group? Freelance ka ba? I need a good writer who has an attitude (you think you fit the category? hehehe) For a project. Yung mga interesado, ASAP ito. E-mail at jesteban@....
Kumusta sa lahat! j
-Unquote-
2.
...
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:42:33 AM): ill do my very best. haha.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:43:01 AM): may tanong ako:
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:43:07 AM): salamat sa heads-up. i really did need it.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:43:30 AM): no prob. basta 2 beers sa unang suweldo. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:43:45 AM): nepotism shit ito, e. so by definition, kaibigan talaga ang dapat kunin.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:44:14 AM): haha. ok. what were you going to ask?
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:44:27 AM): a mikael co (2/17/2003 3:44:30 AM): ayun, mikael co (2/17/2003 3:44:36 AM): pag nag-add-contact ka sa ym, mikael co (2/17/2003 3:44:42 AM): tapos walang ganung ym id, mikael co (2/17/2003 3:44:52 AM): iaalert ka ba na walang ganung ym id?
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:45:40 AM): yeah i think so. kasi kung walang ganung id, imposibleng maa-add.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:46:03 AM): so meron, gud. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:46:06 AM): a alam ko na. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:46:17 AM): emailan ko na lang, mikael co (2/17/2003 3:46:29 AM): tapos pag wala magdedaemon di ba?
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:46:35 AM): yup Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:46:40 AM): dapat lang. Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:46:43 AM): stalker!
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:46:52 AM): hindi, hindi no. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:47:09 AM): "Mikael, are you still around this group? Freelance ka ba? I need a good writer who has an attitude (you think you fit the category? hehehe) For a project. Yung mga interesado, ASAP ito. E-mail at jesteban@...." mikael co (2/17/2003 3:47:37 AM): yan ang buong msg na ifinorward sa akin through prenster ng isang kaibigan.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:47:54 AM): so ichecheck mo muna yung email ad?
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:48:19 AM): di ko alam yung email add. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:48:27 AM): i'm hoping na yahoo or gmail yan.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:48:56 AM): aaaah, blanko yung after @. okay. pero parang mahirap yun a. ang dami besides yahoo at gmail.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:49:13 AM): yup. at paano kung company email yan, mikael co (2/17/2003 3:49:28 AM): kasi ang korni ng ganyang email add e.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:49:32 AM): have you tried searching sa google or something?
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:49:56 AM): pero sa ym kasi di naman nireject nang inadd ko sa contacts mikael co (2/17/2003 3:50:00 AM): oo isesearch ko nga, e.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:50:17 AM): regardless, baka more than one email yung jesteban na yan
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:51:24 AM): at sige search mo, sa google. tingin mo siya yang mga yan? dlsu dev policy? es undergrad sa teneo ito, e.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:52:46 AM): ngye, walang lumalabas sa akin
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:52:54 AM): hahaha mikael co (2/17/2003 3:52:59 AM): di nga? mikael co (2/17/2003 3:53:04 AM): "jana esteban" mikael co (2/17/2003 3:53:09 AM): lagyan mong quotes?
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:53:23 AM): ahh, yung pangalan. akala ko yung email ad. teka Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:53:59 AM): baka lumipat ng school? haha
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:54:53 AM): baka nga kasi ibang jana, e.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:55:31 AM): baka rin. just email her at both yahoo and gmail and see what happens
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:55:37 AM): explain mo yung confusion
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:55:49 AM): tops super hot chick pala, 'no! mikael co (2/17/2003 3:55:53 AM): *tapos
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:56:12 AM): ...uh-huh.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:56:24 AM): yup.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:56:28 AM): sige lang, pabibigyan na kita.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:56:32 AM): sige brb email ko lang
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:56:50 AM): wait, beddybye na ako.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:57:38 AM): a sige sige. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:57:47 AM): timbrehan mo ako kung sure na sure ka na, a. mikael co (2/17/2003 3:57:51 AM): sige sige.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:58:02 AM): yup. monday afternoon, text kita.
mikael co (2/17/2003 3:58:09 AM): kahit umaga.
Marguerite de Leon (2/17/2003 3:58:32 AM): okay. salamat at good night.
3.
from: mikael 3:18 am (12 hours ago) to: jesteban@yahoo.com cc: jesteban@gmail.com date: Jun 9, 2007 3:18 AM subject: jana! mailed-by: gmail.com
jana?
i'm hoping that you're jana, jana esteban, and that you're the jana esteban that i know. if you are, then you probably know me, so great.
let me explain. got this message through friendster-- hazel caasi forwarded it to me:
-Quote-
Ahoy Rollan! I'd love to go to Sagada this weekend, but sched's pretty tight. Am out-bound na rin starting June 15. So, soaking up the City life while I can...I'll be probinsyana until October ^_^
But wait!
I also play disc with sina Pru and Aener...si KQ nakilala ko kay Karen (Hi KQ!) Now ko lang nalaman na may laro pala dyan sa field twing Sabado. Sige, subukan kong dumaan sa mga susunod na Sabader. Kitakits tayo dun.
Mikael, are you still around this group? Freelance ka ba? I need a good writer who has an attitude (you think you fit the category? hehehe) For a project. Yung mga interesado, ASAP ito. E-mail at jesteban@....
Kumusta sa lahat! j
-Unquote-
as you can see, the email's domain has been truncated here. i've no idea what it is. so suntok sa buwan ito, but since you needed to find me (and i, you,) ASAP, and since i *am* doing freelance work (while taking up my M.A.,) i decided fuck it, i'll send an email. i googled your name, and the only hits were about a grad student from la salle. that may be you. or not; it may be a totally hot, intelligent, single girl who likes beer and milan kundera, in which case this email would be a lovely, lovely coincidence, except for the fact that i'm not single, so we'd have to settle for, i don't know, a quick sorry and a goodbye.
and i'm not saying that if you're indeed the jana i know, then you're not a totally hot, intelligent, single girl who likes beer and milan kundera. you might be. but we haven't seen each other in i'm counting six years, and in that span an evil twin might've thrown skunk piss over your face and it might've burned off, or a warthog might've impaled its tusks on your right leg, or you might've gotten a smiley face tattoo on your left cheek, which is not hot, and definitely not very intelligent.
this is just a long-winded way of saying, jana, are you there?
mikael
ps. i'm not even sure this email address exists! if it doesn't, then i'd just written a longish email demonstrating what i think is the "attitude" you're looking for to no one. fuck.
-- "I've had it with all stingy-hearted sons of bitches. A heart is to be spent." - Stephen Dunn
http://abo-sa-dila.blogspot.com
4.
from: Mail Delivery Subsystem 3:18 am (12 hours ago) to: kael.co@gmail.com date: Jun 9, 2007 3:18 AM subject: Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification
Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:
jesteban@yahoo.com
Technical details of permanent failure: PERM_FAILURE: SMTP Error (state 16): 554 delivery error: dd This user doesn't have a yahoo.com account (jesteban@yahoo.com) [-5] - mta543.mail.mud.yahoo.com
----- Original message -----
Received: by 10.114.81.1 with SMTP id e1mr2852454wab.1181330321508; Fri, 08 Jun 2007 12:18:41 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.141.35.13 with HTTP; Fri, 8 Jun 2007 12:18:41 -0700 (PDT) Message-ID: Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2007 03:18:41 +0800 From: mikael To: jesteban@yahoo.com Subject: jana! Cc: jesteban@gmail.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_Part_13557_18135560.1181330321479"
i'm hoping that you're jana, jana esteban, and that you're the jana esteban that i know. if you are, then you probably know me, so great.
----- Message truncated -----
5.
from: Jorge Esteban 5:55 am (9 hours ago) to: mikael date: Jun 9, 2007 5:55 AM subject: Re: jana! mailed-by: gmail.com
Mikael,
Not to throw your dreams to the equivalent of a gale storm of bowling-ball sized hail, but the email does, in fact, exist, although the recipient is neither Jana nor an intelligent, single, hot girl nor even a boar-tusked, skunk-pissed, or tattooed girl. To be frank, the recipient is not even a girl. Although your email was intriguing and I can't even begin to speculate on the Romanized Korean (admittedly a guess) or the possibility of a distant relative that somehow speaks Romanized Korean, I hate to be the one to tell you that you struck out on all counts.
For what it's worth though, I wish you the best of luck.
Jorge
6.
from: mikael 3:34 pm (2 minutes ago) to: Jorge Esteban date: Jun 9, 2007 3:34 PM subject: Re: jana! mailed-by gmail.com
Matapos magbayad ng halos tatlong-daang piso para sa whiskey na hindi ko naman ininom, at dahil prens tayo at oo nga kailangan ko nang mag-ahit, mayroon akong ipapangako:
Hinding, hinding, hinding-hindi na ako magsusulat tungkol sa basketbol sa blog na ito.
2.
Oo, totoo; ang totoo, kaya ilang linggo rin akong hindi bumalik dito e dahil nahihiya akong magpakita sa iyo. Kasi nga, sa napakaraming analysis at hirit at hula ko tungkol sa NBA Playoffs, walang tumama. Kung sugarol ako, malamang nakapagsanla na ako ng labing-anim na daliri, isang bayag, at dalawang kilong buhok sa kilikili para mabayaran ang utang ko. Pero hindi naman ako sugarol, kaya okey lang.
3.
Isa pang dahilan kaya hindi ako bumabalik masyado rito e nakokornihan na ako sa template nito. Parang sawa na ako sa gray. O siguro, nasusuya lang sa pagka-gray nitong blog—parang kung dalawang taon kang hindi sumasablay uminom ng di bababa sa walong bote ng beer isang gabi, masusuya ka rin; hindi ‘yung tipong suya na ayaw mo nang uminom ng beer magpakailanman, pero ‘yung tipong gusto mong gawing minsan-sa-isang-linggo na lang ang pag-inom, o kung mapipilitan, hindi ka na lalagpas sa apat na bote. ‘Yung tipong minsan bibili ka naman ng Generoso Brandy, at Sprite, para lang maiba.
4.
Nitong mga huling araw, pinipilit kong magsulat ng paper, dahil nga may mga incomplete pa ako para sa M.A., at ipinangako ko sa sarili kong hindi ako mag-eenrol ngayong semestre nang hindi man lang nababawasan ‘yung incomplete na ‘yun. At maniwala ka, gusto kong mag-enrol. Gusto ko nang matapos itong M.A. na ‘to sa lalong madaling panahon.
Nagsusulat ako, kunwari, at nagbabasa nang maraming-marami. Gusto kong isiping babaguhin ng isusulat ko ang landscape ng kritisismo sa Pilipinas, tapos makakahanap tayo ng gamot sa karahasan tapos wala nang malulungkot kahit saan habambuhay. Asa pa ako, ‘no.
Anyway, magpapasukan na pero hindi ko pa rin nailalapat ang mga ideya ko, hindi ko pa nakokonsolidate sa utak ko. Pak dat siyet. Alam mo ‘yung pakiramdam nang parang may holen na nakasilid sa dibdib mo, tapos habang lumilipas ang panahon nagiging dalawang holen ‘yun, sampu, limampu, hanggang maging isang malaking-malaking pusa na gustong kumalmot ng daan papalabas sa lalamunan mo? Tapos gusto mo na lang matulog nang matulog dahil pag tulog ka walang deadline na tumutugis sa iyo? Ganu’n, p’re, ganu’n.
5.
Walang
Isinusulat ko 'to sa Notepad ngayon. Nang naramdaman kong baka malapit nang matapos ito, binuksan ko na ang blogger para mag-log-in. Pagbalik ko sa Notepad, 'yan-- walang-- ang huling salitang nakasulat. Hindi ko na maalala kung ano dapat ang mga salitang karugtong niyan, kung ano dapat ang isusulat ko. Basta, walang. Siguro magandang magtapos na muna ako dito.
